The Satanic Rites of Dracula

The Movie

Count Dracula leads a Satanic cult of prominent scientists and politicians into developing a gruesome plague virus. His only obstacle is his old nemesis Lorimar Van Helsing.

• Directed by
• Cast:
  Joanna Lumley as Jessica
  Patrick Barr as Lord Carradine
  Richard Mathews as Porter
  William Franklyn as Torrence
  John Harvey (III) as Commissionaire
  Peter Cushing as Professor Larimer Van Helsing
  Christopher Lee as Count Dracula (1974)
  Freddie Jones as Professor Julian Keeley
• US Release 13 January 1974
• Running Time: 87 minutes

Review

The illustrious Count is keeping influencial friends in this weird tale of Vampiric Revenge; he's planning to use his pals to spread a virus, and kill everyone, including, one assumes, his link in the food chain. Silly boy!

At the tail end of the Hammer List, they'd learned to chuck in a few semi-naked women, though why they are chained in the cellar is never shared with us.

Once they've got our attention, the plague business is rather buried under a bunch of set-piece chases and shootings. Only once does Dracula look or behave in a remotely vampiric way; blink and you'll miss it. As did Van Helsing, who really had problems keeping his concentration through most of the movie, though he managed to look suitably miffed whenever his granddaughter (Joanna Lumley) was threatened. Regularly.

Despite the snarling and gnashing of our chained friends downstairs, and frequent mentions of how awfully powerful Dracula is, the vampire home is protected by a bunch of sheep-skin coated youths with a penchant for being shot off their motorbikes.

Yup, it's really a pretty sad movie; if the cast can't get remotely concerned about the impending end of the world, why should we?